


This Heart

by itsapurefeeling



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bonnie Bennett, Minor Character Death, Sad Ending, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 03:16:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15234144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsapurefeeling/pseuds/itsapurefeeling
Summary: For love can never last.





	This Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This was something that nagged me for a solid week. This started as an idea and transformed into something I adore, I hope you all like it. Bonkai will always be on of my favorite "couples".

I met him when I was thirteen, a rather tall boy with a buzz cut and a frown to big for his face.

"I'm Bonnie" I said, watching those grey orbs regard me with disgust as he frowned. 

Then, just like that he was walking away from me into the crowds of kids, a sudden disappointment settling into my bones. 

Weeks passed and the only friend I made at my new school was a tan girl named Elena, she was fourteen and she always had this blonde girl hanging off her arm. I soon learned her name was Caroline, and she to became a friend to me. 

Buzz cut boy walked the halls like he owned them, those grey eyes dark scaring girls out of his way. As time passed on I realized just how attractive he was, he had to be a little older than myself. I couldn't help but have a crush on the asshole of our tiny little school.

As the year ended we got ready for ninth grade, everyone ready to graduate and me just ready to start living life. 

Or at least I thought. 

-

"This is your fourth period, damn Bonnie were across from each other" Elena whines holding her schedule tightly in her hand, her brown eyes wide as she reads over both of our classes. "Three classes great" she hands it back to me, a frown her on face.

"At least we have three, me and Care don't have any" 

Nodding her head she loops her arm through my own, walking us towards the cafeteria. A circle of kids stand by the entrance, stories of their summer floating in the air.

Elena pulls us to an empty table,pulling out her phone her aunt Jenna bought her for her birthday. 'Must be nice' I think bitterly scanning the room for Caroline. Looking towards the exit I see buzz cut walking alone, a scowl on his face as he passes people.

I watch him walk pass the cafeteria those long legs carrying him fast.

Fixing to look away he suddenly meets my eye coming to a stop in front of a group of freshman. His bottom lip is between his teeth when he smirks giving me a small wave as he continues down the hallway. 

Elena jabs me with her elbow "What was that?"

I shake my head "I have no idea" I say meeting her eyes. 

"That's THE Kai Parker, you know Josette Parker her twin brother I think he's a senior this year".

Who didn't know Jo. Rumor around town was that she got knocked up at fifteen and her brother almost killed the guy who did it, then not long after their mother passed away and she just completely disappeared out of school and Mystic falls for good. 

"A senior" I repeat loudly making a few kids turn in our direction. "How is that possible if he just graduated from eighth grade?" I question. 

"I heard he still goes back to meet with Mr.Crawford, after Jo's incident he really began relying heavily on the councilor" Elena says, typing a message on her phone. 

I shake my head, eyeing the spot where he once stood. 

Suddenly she drops her phone and grins "Nah just kidding he's a junior". 

As if she reads my mind she taps my arm gently, "Don't worry Bon, everyone says he's a loner anyway".

I smile gently as she goes back to typing on her phone, Caroline finally joining us making sure to tell us about the hot sophomores she saw on the way. 

Looking towards where Kai stood moments ago I shiver.

Rule number one in my list of surviving highschool

1: Stay away from Kai Parker.

-

My mom passed away that fall.

No one truly knows what killed her, all they knew was she believed in god and went to church every Sunday. They called her "church girl"but no one knew she fell into the devils hands a long time ago.

She fell in love with cocaine something she never went a day without. 

The last memory I have of my mom was two weeks ago at our favorite restaurant, listening to the same song and eating the same meal. She looked beautiful but unhappy, I wish I knew at the time she was struggling with demons of her own.

Her funeral was pleasant and tranquil, we went to the church and everyone placed white roses all over her casket, me and my dad made sure to put her bible in there with her. 

Everyone came to see Abby Bennett put into the ground, everyone including Kai. 

"Sorry for your loss" they would say, but how could they apologize for something they didn't do. No one could possibly apologize for the damage my mother caused herself.

If she taught me anything it's that you have to be responsible for your own actions. 

And most importantly that nothing lasts forever.

After her funeral I didn't go to school for awhile, Elena and Caroline visited frequently, tears stained on their face as we talked about Abby, but only by myself did I allow myself to cry.

-

Late one night I hear our door bell ring, knowing my father is working late I walk quietly to the door and peek out the peephole. Kai stands there, his converse taping the wood as he bounces on his toes ,his hands shoved into his jean pockets. 

Breathing in deeply I open the door, he stops bouncing immediately and stands to his full height towering over me a good nine inches.

"Yes?" I question softly, holding the door knob in my hand ready to slam it any second.

Scratching his head, which finally has hair on it he grins at me. "I'm Kai, you know from a few doors down and I wanted to bring this to you" he says turning around and picking up a plate off the railing, as he turns around I see a cake inside plastic wrap, my name written across the top.

Eyeing it he hands it to me "It's just a little something. I'm sorry for your loss, I mean that I know saying sorry wont fix anything but I do know what it's like losing a parent" he says, those grey eyes soft as he glances at me.

"Thank you" I say, turning inside the house to set the heavy plate down.

"Walk with me" he suggests suddenly, before I can even blink. His eyes lit up with mirth as a smile spreads across his face. 

Shaking my head I frown "I can't-"

"Just for a minute" he says firmly, stepping closer to me. 

He tilts his chin down to look at me "Ten minuets tops"

Staring at him I chew on my lower lip in worry, why would I leave with some kid I just literally met. "Five minuets" he bargains, still smiling.

Sighing I shake my head giving in "five minuets" I repeat shutting the door behind me, letting Kai lead the way. As we step out onto the street he pushes me towards the inside of the road muttering "just to be safe".

We walk quietly for a few minuets, the moon bright illuminating our walk way. He breathes in deep, it's the only noise I can focus on. 

"Can I ask what happened?" he asks surprising me, and my first thought is no. How I could possibly open up about my mother so a stranger? How could I even think Kai would actually care. 

But looking over at him I realize I haven't opened up to anyone about my mom. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad "The full story?"

He nods at me, his steps matching with my own. "That's if you want to, it's totally up to you"

"Well" I begin looking over at him, his eyes already on me when our gazes meet in the dark.

"My mom has always been a firm believer in God, church every Sunday and family gatherings every other weekend. She was so easy to be around, the easiest person to talk to, the nicest person I ever met. 

I think my dad divorcing her really destroyed her. When I turned eleven I realized she started having a problem. Church became something she didn't enjoy anymore, and my relatives barely heard from us, I just knew there was something off" I say gently, tears beginning to cloud my eyes "She was her own downfall and I wish I would of done some-"

"Stop" Kai says halting our movement, he grabs my hand with his own and squeezes it softly. "You can't fix anyone who doesn't want to be fixed, You were and still are just a kid Bonnie. You can't beat yourself up over it, because it won't change what happened" 

We stand looking at each other, The October wind blowing Kai's cologne in my nose. 

I stare at him with a newfound admiration, a deep connection that I can feel in my bones as if I've known him all my life. 

Clearing his throat he speaks up again "I will always blame myself for my mom", those grey orbs dull. "But I will always remember that I tried my best, and made mistakes but also realize that it's possible to live with pain. Even when you think you can't.. you can"

I gaze at him softly, my heart hammering in my chest. 

"Thank you for that" I mutter pulling my hand out of his own, regretting it when my palm becomes cold. 

"If you ever want to talk, i'm four houses down the yellow one" he says pointing towards it. I follow his gaze and nod my head.

Walking back to my house he tells me goodnight and disappears into thin air almost like he was never there. 

When I walk back into my house and see the cake my heart races once more.

They were wrong about Kai, so totally wrong.

-

"Okay your turning fifteen and you don't even have a phone Bonster we seriously have to fix that" Kai says sitting on my couch with a pop tart in his mouth. 

"Fifteen isn't something to celebrate" I mutter back, closing the fridge door with my foot as I carry our drinks into the living room. 

"Of course it is. I say we go to Jacks Pizza place and then me being the loyal friend I am will accompany you to any movie you want to see" he grumbles, pieces of pop tart landing on the carpet. 

Sitting down beside him I place the drinks on the table "I just want to stay in, we can watch a movie here it's a lot cheaper anyway" 

Nodding he picks up his Pepsi and takes a sip, "Plus" I add turning to face him "Your turning seventeen in a month, we should really save up for that".

He doesn't say anything, only a small sigh as he lays his long body on my couch his head landing in my lap. Immediately he grabs my hand and places it in his long hair demanding me to scratch, and like always I do.

"Or we can do nothing completely up to you" 

I realized over past couple of months Kai hates his past, anytime I mention it he clams up and disappears for a few days. The first time it happened I was confused, not knowing he was the definition of a hermit and hated his younger years.

"Or we can do what you use to do when you were little" I regret the words as they come out of my mouth, his body freezes and I can feel his walls coming up ready to shut me out. 

He sits up quickly and faces me, a distant look on his face.

"I have to go" he simply says, standing up and heading to my front door. 

"Kai" I say softly, hoping he would turn around and look at me but he's still and silent, like a rock unable to move. 

"I didn't mean to bring it up. Please forget about it" 

His shoulders move up and down twice before he does turn around and look me in the eyes, like always those orbs are unreadable and misty pain etched on his face. 

"I wish more than anything Bonster I could celebrate like I was little"

He sits back down on my couch and I continue to rub soothing circles through his hair.

The day turns to night and we put on Criminal Minds just enjoying each others company.

I don't think about his past or my birthday instead I think of Kai and his large hands holding my own. 

And those tempting lips finding my own in a kiss.

-

"I guess that loner finally found somebody" Caroline says marching over to me and Elena a look of disgust on her usually cheerful face. 

"Did he really?" Elena questions closing her locker with a bang. Caroline nods urgently, pointing over to the staircase where Kai stands with a brown haired girl. 

"Yup" she says popping her p, facing us once more "and to think I saw them first period kissing each other. I totally told Damon they were a thing".

I'm still stuck looking at Kai. His lean form is bent over the girls, her long hair running down her shoulders and her eyes are a light blue. 

She runs her finger over his jaw, a smile rising on her face and he kisses her cheek. 

"Bon?" Elena asks snapping me out of my gaze confusion in her voice. 

"Yeah?" I question smiling the best I can.

"Lets go" she says motioning over the double doors. Nodding I follow behind my friends with a heavy feeling, like a weight has suddenly been dropped onto my shoulders. 

That night I wait on my porch for Kai.

The winter chill wrapping around me like a coat as I hug my cover closer. My watch reads 10:21, the little red numbers blinking up at me. I scan his house for any lights but there all off, even his car is pulled out of the drive way. 

At 10:31 I sigh loudly and get ready to go back inside when his loud laughter catches my attention, It's thunderous in the the quite night a sound I have missed deeply. I catch a glimpse of his shirt as I peek around my porch, his white t shirt fading into the night.

I lift my hand slowly ready to call him name when blue electric eyes suddenly meet my own, the brunette suddenly glaring at me with a look of disgust. I stare back confused, ready to yell at her when Kai catches my eye finally. 

Grinning he waves at me enthusiastically, those long fingers moving fast up and down. I wave back smiling at him, realizing that are nightly walk isn't going to happen tonight. 

I head back inside and sit down on my worn out couch with a heavy feeling in my chest. 'He's not yours. He is not yours Bonnie, he deserves to be happy' I think angrily, resting my head in my hands. 

If I knew anything at all, it's that Kai Parker deserved to be happy. 

-

Days turned into a weeks and a week turned into a year, and Kai became just another face in the crowed once again, a handsome face that made tears burn my eyes when we passed each other. Those intense orbs looked no longer burdened by sadness, they were light with a softness I never witnessed before . 

I missed our walks. I missed speaking to Kai. For once in a long time I realized that our talks were the only thing keeping me sane, keeping me from going under. They were the only thing I looked forward to. 

Kai and Jessica have been dating for eight months. 

Eight. 

I can't help but think of those eight months with a bitterness.

Because when I think about them I hurt just a little more, ache a little more and lose the girl I was before my mother passed away. 

Sometimes when I'm alone I can't help but think that i'm destined to be like Abby. 

A pretender. 

Because that's all I do. 

Pretend i'm okay, pretend i'm sleeping good at night.

I can't help but think my dad sees it inside me as well. 

I can't tell Elena or Caroline how much I miss her, that I'm use to her singing in the morning and use to smelling her coffee. Or that I still lay in her bedroom every night and try to imagine a world where shes laying beside me with no worry in her heart. 

I picture her happy.

And just like many other nights I burst into tears. 

-

"I'm heading out" I call to my dad, shutting the door before he can reply. I pull my jacket close to my body ready to step off my porch when Kai suddenly appears from beside my house, standing right in front of me.

His hands shakes steadily and his eyes look scared. 

"Kai-"

"Listen Bon" he cuts me off quickly , "Follow me please".

I quickly nod and we make the short journey to his house, he pushes open his backyard gate and motions me inside. For a split second i'm scared. Nerves rush through my body at lightening speed as I stare at him, my eyes trying to question his motives.

"Please" he repeats pushing it wider motioning with his hand inside once more , squaring my shoulders I nod and slowly make my way into his yard.

Turning to face him I frown, "What's the problem?" 

He sits down on the grass, reaching behind him to pull out a pack of cigarettes, motioning for me sit down as well. "I just needed to see you, to talk to you.. I have so much on my mind Bonster, so much I need to say and I miss you. I miss you so much, so please sit down". 

Obediently I do, sitting in front of him so we can look at each other. "Whats up?" I question casually, but my heart races just at the sight of him. He looks good. It makes unwanted tears sting my eyes when I realize how much older he looks.

How handsome he has become in just one year. 

Breathing in deeply he grins "I think I'm gonna ask Jessica to move in with me".

I can feel my smile fading, vanishing into thin air as if it was never there to begin with. "After eight months?" I squeak out, bringing my thumb to my mouth to bite on it nervously. 

Nodding he scoots closer, his cologne I once adored now filling my nose making me sick, "I think shes the one Bon".

"The one?" I choke out the air leaves my lungs. How could she possibly be the one? 

"Kai your seventeen, almost eighteen with a future-"

"And she is the one I see in that future Bonnie" He says loudly cutting me off, his eyes narrowed at me with a similar look I've seen once before. 

'He's mad at me' I think sourly 

"I was just going to say maybe you should wait a little longer, eight months isn't long enough to truly know someone" I say calmly, avoiding his pointed glare. 

He sits there with his arms crossed, those grey eyes boring into me as he burns a hole into my head. I'm fixing to stand up and leave when he finally speaks up, his tone dull and lifeless "I don't think your opinion matters Bon".

Scoffing loudly I glare at him " Obviously it does or you wouldn't have asked me to come out here. There's no need for you to be a asshole when all I'm doing is looking out for you".

He glares back at me, anger evident on his face "Yeah well, I don't need you looking out for me".

A tear spills down my cheek as I get to my feet "You stopped talking to me Kai. You cut me off for over a year, I will always look out for you no matter what so stop acting like such a jackass" I scream.

A look of guilt passes over his face, then he looks at me blankly "I don't need you to do anything Bonnie, go home".

And just like that the boy I've grown to know walks into his house slamming the door loudly anger in his movements. 

Heading back to my own house I turn and face his one more time, surprised to see him looking back at me through his kitchen window. His mouth becomes a frown when our eyes connect, and I know he must feel sad as well. 

I turn back around and run into my house.

Later that night when im curled up on my couch watching Morgan kiss Penelope's cheek, his well known "baby girl" slipping from his lips I realize something I should of known months ago.

Kai is someone I cannot control. 

And he deserves the freedom of not having me a as burden.

-

Kai broke Jessica's heart. 

And of course it was the talk of the school.

It didn't surprise me, all anyone ever said was how terrible he was. It made me want to jump to his defense, scream at the top of my lungs that they didn't know anything about him.

But I didn't have the right anymore.

Caroline seemed elated about the news, her blue eyes lit with mirth as she told us about it "You know, I just don't see what Jessica saw in him anyway".

How badly I wanted to tell her how amazing he was, that I saw what Jessica saw and so much more. 

Instead I laughed it off, staring down an empty hallway imaging Kai waving those ridiculously long fingers at me. His eyes electric as our gazes connect, a devilish smile appearing on his handsome face. 

"Bonnie!" I familiar voice calls snapping me out of my stupor, I look over and see Jeremy jogging over to our table, his arms already slipping around my body before I can speak. 

"Jer" I breathe deeply, wrapping my arms around his muscled front, comfort settling into my bones. 

"I guess I forgot to mention he was coming back today" Elena says behind us, amusement clear in her tone as she laughs. 

"God" Jeremy breathes, pushing a strand of my short hair out of my eyes, his warm hands cradling my face. "I've missed you so much Bonnie".

I hold onto him tightly, gripping his jacket as he spins me around, his warm palms never leaving my arms. "You've missed so much Jeremy, so much has changed".

He pulls back to look me in eyes "Whats happened?" 

Shaking my head I bury my head into his chest, "After school meet me at my house we can head over to Jacks" I say, my words muffled by his jacket. I can feel him agree muttering something about 'thank god Jacks didn't change'.

When he finally lets go of me we sit down, Jeremy going on a long story about Georgia and how different things look in the summer. I listen lightly, my eyes drifting over to the hallway surprised when I see Kai standing there. 

I jump in my seat, Jeremy immediately wrapping an arm around my shoulder as Kai looks at us. A small smile appears on his face before he walks in the other direction, I watch his figure disappear around the corner before I let out a little sigh.

If Jeremy notices he doesn't say anything, but his fingers grip me a little tighter.

-

"Abby?" Jeremy questions softly, his hand resting on top of my own as we sit in a booth at Jacks, the warm air heating my cheeks. 

Nodding I look at him, "Just a year ago I had her by my side and now shes gone and I don't know how to cope with it Jer" I admit, resting my forehead on my freehand, looking down at the shiny wood. 

"Losing a parent is always hard Bon, but I know you'll pull through this rough patch and come out stronger than ever"

I shake my head 'I don't think I c-"

Rough fingers grip my chin gently, pulling my face up to meet soft brown orbs "I'll be here for you Bonnie. I'm not leaving, I'll be here" Jeremy says cutting me of,

Rubbing his thumb over my knuckles comfortingly he grins "I know i've been absent but Bonnie I will be here for you".

I nod my head gratefully, "Th-"

"Bonnie!" Kai greets enthusiastically, interrupting me mid sentence.

"Bonster hey" he repeats quieter sliding into the empty seat next to me. Jeremy raises his eyebrows questioningly, his body tensing at Kai's presence. 

"Who's this Bonnie?" Jeremy asks thoroughly confused.

"Kai pleasure to meet you" Kai says flatly,ripping my hand out of Jeremy's, engaging him in a quick handshake his body tense as he stares at my old friend.

"Jeremy" Jer replies yanking his hand back as if Kai burned him, sending me a quick 'wtf' glance.

I turn towards Kai "What are you doing here?".

He rubs his chin thoughtfully, "Was out and about, saw you through the window and thought I would pop in and say hey".

I stare at him blankly, "I'm kind of busy" I say gesturing over to Jeremy who has a bitter look on his face, " Were talking".

Kai nods his head a distant look on his face as if he didn't hear me, his eyes focused on the exit. I realize he looks sad, like the young boy I met over a year ago. 

"Kai" I call softly, shaking his shoulder to get his attention, his eyes finally zeroing in on my own. 

"Sorry" he mutters standing up ready to leave. 

"Kai" I call again gripping onto his jacket sleeve halting his movements, "meet me at ten on my porch okay?" I question.

He nods slowly and quickly backs out of the restruant.

I watch him leave, a ache deep in my gut. A warm hand startles me out of my stupor "Who was that guy"? Jeremy questions.

"A friend" I reply, turning to face him. "A good friend".

He stares at me questioningly " Okay.. but how did you meet him?"

Sighing I rest my hand on top of Jeremy's "Stop worrying so much, Kai isn't a bad guy Jer. He's been my rock for the past year with my mom situation and he's a really good genuine guy okay" I say softly.

Jeremy looks thoughtful ready to protest but it vanishes just as quick, a grin appearing on his face, "If your sure".

"Of course I'm sure".  
-

Arriving home much later I see Kai sitting on my steps, face passive as he looks at the empty street. 

"Kai" I call loudly, making him snap his head in my direction, those grey orbs unreadable as we make eye contact.

"Hey" I say softly once i'm in arm distance, sitting down beside him. 

He nods his head, but keeps his eyes on the empty street, "What's up?".

He glances over at me sighing, "Who was that guy?"

I glance over at him confused, "Jeremy" I say as if its obvious "A childhood friend of mine". 

"Just a friend" he repeats as if testing the words as they come out of his mouth. 

"Yup"

His arm wraps around my shoulders, pulling me into his warm chest. "I know I've been a really shitty friend Bon, and I don't deserve your friendship but could you do me a favor?" he mutters into my hair, his voice gentle. 

I wrap my fingers around his his own and squeeze them, "you know you can ask me anything" I reply honestly. 

He grins at that, those steel eyes suddenly meeting my own "Don't hang out with that Jeremy kid anymore, I got a bad feeling about him".

Scoffing I shove him playfully "Yeah right, he's a childhood friend Kai we've known each other since I was four". 

His fingers dig into my shoulder as he presses me closer, my nose presses into his clavicle "I wish we met first" he says sadly, his words filled with longing. 

I hug him tightly to me, thinking of what to say "It doesn't matter who met who first. Your my best friend, you have been my rock through everything-"

"I stopped talking to you because a eighteen year old tramp Bonster, I haven't been present for over a year and for that I am sorry", I mean I missed your sixteenth birthday Bon-"

"Don't apologize to me. I understand , but you don't owe me anything. Your free to date who you want, and do what you want-"

"I want you" he says cutting me off again, no playfulness left in his tone. 

I look at him shocked, almost not fully hearing what he said.

"What did you say?" I question softly, hoping those words will flow from his lips again. 

Disappointment settles in my bones as he stands to his feet and scratches the back of his head, a nervous habit he's had ever since I've met him. He turns to face me with a soft frown, and my heart immediately drops at his expression. 

"I want you to be happy" he rephrases taking his bottom lip between his teeth, "I just want you to do whats going to make you happy".

I stare at him confused.

"I just need to say something" he says curtly, I can tell his mind is going a thousand miles per second inside of his head. 

"Okay" I simply respond resting my hands on top of my lap. 

"I dated Jessica out of spite. I didn't care for her, not one inch of my soul cared for a single hair on that girls head. I did it because I was scared, terrified that if you found out my past.. my fucked up horrible past you would run.

I couldn't imagine a world without you in it Bonster, it's was like the sun dying out leaving me and rest of the world in this unbearable darkness. But anytime your around it's like the sun is shining on everything making the flowers bloom and the plants grow, I can't express to you how much your friendship means to me. I can never tell you how much you mean to me.. I-"

but he stops placing a large hand over his mouth as he looks at the ground pained.

"Kai" I whisper pathetically, tears brimming in my eyes from his sudden confession. 

"No Bonnie, I need- I need to do this" he stutters out pressing his thumb to his eyes. After a second he rolls his shoulders and breathes in deeply "Jo didn't deserve the life she got. From a young age I was least favorite child, I was the rowdy one always into something and Jo.. she was so calm and soft the best kid you could ever ask for".. 

"When we were fifteen a friend of mine raped her. At the time I didn't realize she knew Kevin, he was one of our best friends since we were young. I remember her telling me one night, and I didn't believe her.., I got so angry and yelled at her Bonnie. Screamed at the one person who truly loved me and trusted me. I also remember when she told me that she was pregnant and I can still feel Kevin's teeth grazing my knuckles as I beat the life out of him. I was terrified, so fucking terrified that I couldn't stop-" he breaks off choking up once again.

I grab onto his hand tightly, squeezing it reassuringly urging him to continue. 

"Jo was better me than me in every single way. She lost the baby, dropped everything and just left, for months I searched for her everywhere. I looked for her and I couldn't stop thinking that it was my fault. My mom committed suicide Bonnie. I was left with a shitty dad who used his fists more than his words and that's why I do the dumb shit I do because i'm just like him, a coward to afraid of his own feelings"

I sit there in silence shocked at his sudden confession.

He stares at me waiting for a response but nothing comes to mind. Not one single word could compare to how I feel about Malachai Parker. 

"Thank you for telling me Kai, you didn't have to but you did".

" I needed to, I knew from the moment I saw you at your mothers funeral that you understood pain and grieving Bonnie. I could see it in your eyes the first time you looked at me, I was already hypnotized" he says smiling. 

I grip his hand tightly in my own, his pale skin glowing in the moonlight. Lacing our fingers together I rest my head on his shoulder, letting the stress and worry I've felt for the past year roll off my shoulders.

I feel his lips press against my forehead briefly, before they make their way down onto my cheek. I sit there comfortably, letting him kiss my face any way he pleases. His lips soft as he kisses down my jaw, his teeth pressing into bone.

"Kai" I whimper, running my hands through his hair moaning low in my throat as his hand grips my jaw forcing me to stay in place. 

"Is this okay?" He mutters into my cheek, his warm breath sending goosebumps down my spine.

I nod fervently, leaning back to expose more of my neck to him.

He laughs underneath his breath, his sharp teeth taking my skin hostage as he bites me harshly. A quiet moan escapes my mouth spurring him on, he makes it down to my chest, his fingers unzipping my jacket roughly.

I help him take it off, my body light as a feather when the offending material falls off.

"Gorgeous" he breathes deeply, licking the top of my breast hungrily, pulling my bra to the side taking my nipple hostage. 

Leaning back I let him run his mouth over my nipples, his warm mouth wrapped tightly around my breast as his other hand tangles itself in my short bob. 

Fuzzy dots dance in my vision as he pulls me closer, his hand moving from head into my shorts gently running a finger over my underwear.

His teeth move towards ear, biting my earlobe roughly before licking up to my jaw once more. 

My porch light turns off suddenly surprising Kai and myself.

I quickly push away from him, pulling my jacket off the ground zipping it quickly. 

"Well thats a bummer" Kai mutters leaning back on his elbows, looking over his shoulder at my window questioningly. 

Regret fills me instantly spreading like a wild fire through my body. I feel sick and dizzy all mixed into one as I cover my mouth with my hand, afraid i'll throw up my dinner. 

Reading my mind his hand reaches out to rub my back soothingly, but it only makes me feel sicker.

"Bon are you okay?" He questions, his voice suddenly filled with concern as my eyes begin to water, threatening to spill over any second. 

I nod my head but the action has a single tear rolling down my cheek ending at my lip, I try and wipe it away but he's faster, his hoodie sleeve brushes the tear away.

"What is it" 

I shake my head rapidly, theres no way I can possibly tell him how disgusting I feel. How it hasn't even been a month since him and Jessica split and here I am like a rebound letting him touch me.

"Goodnight Malachai" I say standing to my feet, turning on my heel heading inside. 

His arm shoots out and stops me, standing to his full height he towers over me, those eyes intense as he studies my face. "What is it" he repeats but this time more forceful.

My silence angers him "Goddammit Bonnie what is it!" he yells surprising me, I jump a little taken back by his sudden outburst. 

"We shouldn-"

"Don't you dare " Kai says interrupting me, his face hard as he regards me coldly "Don't you dare fucking say that we shouldn't have because you'd be lying not only to me but to yourself" 

I meet his gaze " We shouldn't have Kai, you just broke up with Jessica-"

He places his large hand over my mouth cutting me off "I told you she didn't mean anything to me. Why are you fighting this?" he questions much softer.

Pushing his hand away I sigh "It doesn't matter, she still has feelings and obviously she was in love with you. Stop being selfish and look at the bigger picture here"

Almost instantly I regret my words his face falls in a way I know to well and I immediately reach out for him. He backs away from me, disgust in his eyes and I can't tell if its directed at me or himself.

 

"You know I didn't mean that" I say quickly trying to regain footing but he shakes his head.

"See you around" he says quickly jogging off my steps walking towards his house. "Kai" I yell pathetically, trying to capture his attention.

I hear a front door slam in the distance, the tears I once held now flowing freely. 

Somehow, I knew deeply that this is was the end of a promising beginning. 

-

-2 years later-

"You've heard from Elena right?" Caroline questions for the sixth time, making me roll my eyes in annoyance. 

" Of course" I reassure her, fidgeting with my cap praying Elena would show up already we go on stage in twenty minuets. 

"Here" Jeremy says, walking over towards me with a easy grin pushing the cap down over my curls. He pushes my tassel to the right and quickly bends down to kiss my cheek "perfect Bon"

I smile softly "Thank you". 

Suddenly Elena bursts through the gym doors, her eyes wide as she approaches us "Where have you been" Caroline questions immediately but Elena raises her hand cutting her off.

"Bon come with me" she says surprising me, her doe like eyes boring into mine with determination. 

"Where?" I questions but shes already looping our arms together rushing us outside the gyms and towards the student parking lot. 

"Why are we going out here" I say, but she doesn't respond only a tiny smile graces her face. 

Pushing open the doors sunlight blinds me instantly, but we keep walking to god knows where.

After a minuet she stops and I finally look up to see where we are when I completely freeze.

"Kai" I breathe deeply, he grins at hearing his name walking closer to us.

"He was looking for you" Elena explains, "I'll meet you back inside Bonnie". She lets go of my arm and walks back towards the gym.

I stare at him in awe, the once pubescent kid a grown man with a beard. He grins at me, those white teeth blinding as we crash into a hug.

"Hey bonster" he breathes out. 

I grip him tightly, pulling him closer to me. He rests his head on top of my own, placing a soft kiss on my temple, sending me back to all those nights many years ago.

Letting go I face him, his eyes scan my body approvingly before resting on my eyes. "You look good Bon".

 

"Theres so much to say" He begins, scratching the back of his head "But these are for you" turning around he picks up a flower bouquet handing it over to me sheepishly. 

I look at the roses and smile sadly "I'm fixing to graduate, how about after that?" I ask, my heart racing at just the sight of him. His mouth pulls into a frown and I immediately feel disappointment settle into my bones. 

"Me and Jessica have a reservation but how about next Friday?" 

I heard he got back with her, after our fight I heard that they fell in love again. Hearing it and seeing it are two different things.

Glancing behind him I can see her sitting in the passenger side of his car clearly on her phone.

"That sounds fine"

He smiles at me softly " I'm so proud of you, I hope you know how proud your mom is as well".

I smile at him wetly, pulling him into a quick hug. "Thank you" I whisper into into his ear before pulling back.

We stare at each other for a minuet, the past two years suddenly rushing over me sucking the air out of my lungs. I can tell he's thinking about it to, his eyes dark as we say goodbye, the promise of Friday in the air. 

Watching him drive away I look down at the roses sadly.

I just have to realize that he isn't mine.

He has never been mine.

Even though my heart races and I get this nostalgia I know what he can never truly be mine.

We are two different people searching for different things; looking for a different purpose.

I will always get those moments of possession; but I just can't comprehend how this lovely, sad jaded boy became someone I don't even know.


End file.
